The Delightful Dance
by redsoxfreak01
Summary: Thirtysix A Series of Unfortunate Events characters are having a dance. Rated for safety, I don't want this taken off the net! No swearing! Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**This fic is dedicated to all fanfiction members! Yay fanfiction!**

**NOTE: This story is about a dance that a lot of main ASOUE characters go to.**

Thirty-six people were gathered outside of town hall. There was going to be a dance that day, and all of these people had signed up to come. A man appeared at the door,

"Hello. My name is Lemony Snicket. I have taken it upon myself to host a dance in town hall. There was room for 18 boys and 18 girls to sign up. To make sure that you don't sneak in, you can come in when I call your name."

The people looked excited. (A/N: I am including this list of names so you know who is attending. Please don't get impatient!)

"Okay, so first the girls: Isadora Quagmire, Violet Baudelaire, Sunny Baudelaire, Josephine Anwhistle, Esme Squalor, Carmelita Spats, Dr. Orwell, Mrs. Bass, Fiona Widdershins, Mrs. Pue from V.F.D.'s Council of Elders, A Volunteer Fighting Disease who wishes to be called 'Sister', Madame Lulu, Beatrice Baudelaire, Kit Snicket, Claire Kennedy who is a waitress at Café Salmonella, Elle who's face is covered in white powder, Alex who is indeed a woman although it is difficult to tell, and Daily Punctilio Reporter Jane Crawford. Alright then, now the boys: Jerome Squalor, Captain Widdershins, Jacques Snicket, Ike Anwhistle, Dr. Montgomery Montgomery, Phil, Mr. Nero, Mr. Poe, Sir, Quigley Quagmire, Mr. Remora, Gustav Sebald, Count Olaf, Fernald Widdershins, Hector, The Incredibly Deadly Viper who came with Dr. Montgomery, Duncan Quagmire, and Klaus Baudelaire."

By now everybody was inside.

"Okay," Lemony Snicket said, "I know you're all eager, a word which here means very excited, to begin the dance." Everybody cheered, "But there is one small catch. You don't get to pick who is your date! I have randomly selected dates for you!"

**Next chapter I list the pairings. That is, if I write the next chapter. This chapter has to get 3 reviews first! So review if you want more!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ooooooooh. It's … the pairs! Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. It will get better and better! Believe me! Oh ya, and thanx for reviewing!**

"What?" cried out a great number of voices. They obviously weren't planning on this.

"You heard me," Lemony Snicket said, "I have a hat here with all 18 girls' names, and another hat here with all 18 boys' names. Now here we go! Isadora Quagmire and … Klaus Baudelaire."

Klaus was relieved. "I must say, I'm relieved." Said Klaus, "I'm so glad I wasn't partnered up with somebody horrible. I actually kind of like Isadora."

"Ok," said Lemony Snicket, "Our next pair is Violet Baudelaire and Duncan Quagmire!"

"Yay!" Duncan exclaimed, "I'm with the hottie!" Violet blushed.

" Sunny Baudelaire and … The Incredibly Deadly Viper!"

"Enu," Sunny said, which probably meant, "This isn't too bad."

"Josephine Anwistle and … Hector!" Lemony said

"Ooooh! Who's Hector? Is he scary?" Asked Josephine

"Ooooh! Who's Josephine? That name makes me skittish!" said Hector

"Esme Squalor and Fernald Widdershins!" Lemony said

"Yes!" said Esme, "Weapons are in, and Fernald has two hooks for hands, which makes him very in!"

"What about me dear?" Olaf asked Esme

"And me?" asked Jerome

"Forget about you. Fernald is much more in!" Esme said happily.

" Carmelita Spats and Count Olaf." Lemony said

"Noooooooooooooooo!" said Olaf. "She is more whiny than the Baude-brats!"

"Don't call me whiny you cakesniffer! You are extremely lucky to be partnered with a sweet girl such as me! All I ask in return is that you spoil me beyond my wildest dreams!"

Olaf turned to the wall and started banging his head against it repetitively.

"Dr. Orwell and Gustav Sebald." Announced Lemony

They both shrugged.

"Mrs. Bass and Mr. Remora."

They smiled at each other. They were married.

"Council of Elders Member Mrs. Pue and Sir." Said Lemony

"I'll be lucky not to die of second hand smoke." Mrs. Pue grumbled. Nobody could see the expression on Sir's face, because as usual his head was surrounded in a thick cloud of smoke.

"Madame Lulu and Mr. Nero." Lemony said.

"Ahhhhh. I can forsee this will be an interesting night!" Lulu said.

"Beatrice Baudelaire and Phil!"

Beatrice, being the nice person that she is, smiled warmly at Phil. And Phil, being the optimistic person that he is smiled back.

"Kit Snicket and Dr. Montgomery"

They were old friends and were glad at the opportunity to get to know each other better.

"Café Salmonella Waitress Claire and Ike Anwhistle"

Ike tried to smile at Claire, but in his head was wondering how on earth he was supposed to dance with her while she was wearing that salmon outfit.

"Elle the Powder Faced Woman and Jacques Snicket."

Jacques was very glad that she had come back to his side of the schism, and was no longer evil.

"Alex who looks like neither a man nor a woman although she really is a woman, and Captain Widdershins!" Lemony announced.

"Aye!" Captain Widdershins said, "She's so fat I don't think we'll be able to dance."

"No complaints please" Lemony said, "Daily Punctilio Reporter Jane Crawford and Jerome Squalor!"

"I'm not going to argue." Said Jerome.

"Now everybody stay with your dance partners. I have a list of who the partners are right here on my clipboard in permanent marker, and if I see you anywhere without your partner without a good reason, you will be doomed to Camp Happy Elves!"

Everybody gasped. "Not Camp Happy Elves!" everybody exclaimed.

"Just stay with your partner and I'll have no reason to send you there. Now enjoy the dance!"

**The next chapter will be really good. Sorry the beginning is really slow, but I have to introduce you to the story somehow! Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's what I think I'll do. I think I'll write one chapter on each couple and how they enjoy the beginning of the dance. Then maybe afterwards they will have some games or something like that with other couples. So yeah. Enjoy.**

**Note: This chapter is about Klaus and Isadora.**

**Note 2: The _italics _are Izzy's thoughts and the underline are Klaus's thoughts.**

Klaus and Isadora walked over to the dance floor.

Why is Isadora wearing those high-heeled shoes? We'll look ridiculous dancing; she's way taller than I am.

_This will look odd. Klaus is so short_

How does she walk anyway?

"So uh… wanna dance?" asked Klaus

"Yeah. Okay." Said Izzy.

They started to dance. Klaus was a terrible dancer.

_Ow! He just stepped on my foot again._

"Uh Klaus?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever danced before?"

"No. But I've read books about dancing."

"Oh."

There I go, stepping on her foot again. I hope her feet aren't too sore.

"On second thought, maybe we shouldn't dance," Izzy said, "They have lots of other things to do here. Look at all of the different things! We can go to the swimming pool, the movie theatre, the cafe-."

"The snogging room." Esme put in, "In fact, that is just where Fernald and I were headed. Ta-ta orphans!"

"Lets go to the movie theatre." Klaus decided.

"Nice choice!" Izzy said, "Let's go see which movies are out!"

They walked over to the list of movies just outside the theatre entrance. The list said:

The Littlest Sea Lion (G, 96 min)

A happy sea lion and his friends have fun adventures swimming around in the ocean.

James Shnozzenbarrifluberman (NR) (230 min)

A movie showing what it is like in the shoes of James Shnozzenbarrifluberman, a postman.

People in Love (PG-13) (104 min)

A love story about a boy and girl who fall in love.

Deadly Violence ( R) (92 min)

A man wants to take over the world by brutally killing all other humans.

"So which one do you think we should see?" asked Izzy.

_Please say People in Love. Please say People in Love…_

"Definantly not Deadly Violence," said Klaus, "It sounds sickening."

_Yes… keep going!_

"And not The Littlest Sea Lion. It sounds childish." Klaus said.

_Yes! Only two options left! Go on! Say, "Let's see People in Love!"_

"How about James Shnozzenbarrifluberman?" suggested Klaus.

"Ye- what?" asked Izzy, "But what about People in Love?"

"It sounds like a Chick Flick," said Klaus.

"So?"

"So I am not a chick!" said Klaus.

"No! I mean so we are on a date!"

"But what about James Shnozzenbarrifluberman?" Klaus said, "It sounds educational and interesting. How many people know what life is like as a postman?"

"But look at the length!" Izzy said, "It's almost four hours long!"

"I guess it is your choice." Klaus said.

"Good. I pick People in Love." Isadora said happily.

"Okay," said Klaus, "I'll go buy the tickets. Wait here."

Klaus went up to the ticket booth. "Hi. Two tickets for James Schnozzenbarrifluberman please."

He paid and went back to Izzy. "We're in Cinema 4. Lets go!"

They went into the movie. And sat down.

_This is going to be so romantic!_ (A/N: Izzy thinks they're about to see People in Love)

This is going to be so educational! (A/N: Klaus knows what they're actually watching.)

The movie started:

It pictured an outside morning. Then it zoomed in on a house and through a window onto a man still in bed. He opens his eyes.

"I am James Schnozzenbarrifluberman." He said in a mechanical voice, "I will get up now." He stood up and walked out to the bathroom. "I am going to brush my teeth now." He said as he reached for his toothbrush."

Izzy looked over at Klaus. He was watching the movie with interest.

_I can't believe he's actually enjoying this junk! And he purposely brought me into the wrong movie. The nerve of him!_

Izzy soon had fallen asleep and slept for the rest of the movie. Klaus was on the edge of his seat for the whole movie watching with extreme interest.

**I hope you liked this chapter! Next one is Violet/Duncan! Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hope you like this chapter! I've got a new story coming about names and sorry to all who are awaiting my VP Nero story! I'm going to try and write it soon. I just haven't been motivated. And I can't update much this weekend as I'm going to Vegas.**

**Ok, this is the V/D chapter!**

"So what do you want to do?" Violet asked Duncan,

"Dance?" asked Duncan.

"No thanks." Violet replied, "I'd much rather go swimming actually."

"Then what are you asking me for? Lets go!"

They went towards the swimming pool.

"Wait!" Duncan said, "We don't have our swimsuits!"

"I'm sure we can buy some at the swim shop." Violet said, "Come on!"

They entered the swim shop and Duncan found a good pair of trunks right away and purchased them. Violet couldn't find one she liked.

"Help me!" she begged Duncan

"How about that one?" He asked. She looked at where he was pointing. It was a skimpy black bikini.

"Not quite what I had in mind?" She said,

"Why not?" said Duncan, "You'd look great. And if you don't take it, we'll be here for the whole dance. It's just your size too!"

"Well…"

"Come on Vi!"

"Okay. I'll get it."

She purchased the swimsuit and they both went into the change rooms to change. They met on the pool deck. Violet felt very self-conscious. Duncan couldn't stop staring at her.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Violet asked nervously.

"You look … amazing!" Duncan said.

"Er- d'you want to go in the hot tub?" Asked Violet

"Sure! Perfect! Just what I had in mind!" Said Duncan.

They sat in the hot tub for a long time, just talking about nothing in particular.

"So how do you think Izzy and Klaus are doing?" asked Duncan.

"Fine I'm sure. But lets not talk about them. Let's talk about us!" Violet said.

"Okay." Said Duncan, "Can we get out of the hot tub for now, I'm starting to feel faint."

"Alright," Violet agreed. They got out and got into the pool (A/N: Not the kiddie pool, the actual deep end).

"Want to race?" Duncan asked,

"Sure!" said Violet, "But how about if I win, you have to kiss Aunt Josephine!"

"Okay," said Duncan, "But if I win, you have to kiss Fernald!"

"You're on!" said Violet. "On your marks, get set, GO!"

They both started swimming at full speed, rushing toward the other side of the pool. They reached the other side almost at the same time, Violet just a moment before Duncan.

"Ha!" she said, "You have to kiss Aunt Josephine!"

"When?" he asked. He sounded nervous, now that he actually had to do it. "Can we please do two out of three?" he asked hopefully.

Violet shook her head, "Nope! I won fair and square."

Duncan sighed, "Okay. Hey! D'you want to go off the diving board?"

"Alright!" she said. They each went to the low dive and jumped off.

"Bet you can't jump off the middle one!" he said.

"Oh yeah, well I'll jump off the high one!" she said.

"Yeah right."

"Watch me!"

Violet climbed up all of the stairs and stood on the edge of the platform. 'Man this is high' she thought.

"Scared?" asked Duncan.

Violet shook her head. She prepared herself, and then leapt from the platform.

She hit the water with a big splash, and then swum over to the ladder, and climbed it and got onto the deck where Duncan was waiting.

"I did it!" she said triumphantly.

"Uh Vi?" he said timidly.

"What?" she asked. She followed his gaze and looked down. "Aahhh! Where's my bikini top?" she screamed. She looked into the pool and saw it slowly sinking. "Oh no no no no no! What am I going to do?" she said.

"There's no need to fear, Duncan man is here!" Duncan said, and dove into the pool to retrieve it. (A/N: If she wasn't so worried, she would have noticed what a cheesy line Duncan-man was)

Duncan surfaced, the top clutched in one hand. "Got it!" he said.

Violet gratefully took it. "Thanks" she said. "Could you tie it for me?" she asked.

Duncan went behind her and tied it around her neck. (A/N: Possible following lines: But he tied it to tight! Violet started to suffocate, and she died right then, right there! – ah, so tempting to write, but alas, no)

"Thanks!" she said and kissed Duncan on the cheek.

"You're welcome. Hey, what do you say we go back and get changed into our street clothes, and then go upstairs to do something else?"

"Alright." Violet agreed. They both went into the changerooms, but came back out a moment later.

"Somebody stole all my clothes!" Violet exclaimed,

"Same here!" Said Duncan. "I guess we have no choice but to wear these upstairs!"

"But everybody will stare at us. Especially me! Look at me! Look at what I'm wearing!"

"Vi, when did I ever stop looking at what you're wearing." He pointed out, "Look, we're just gonna have to go upstairs like this."

Violet reluctantly agreed, as they started upstairs.

**Was it terrible? Was it OK? Please tell me! Oh, and the next chapter is the Sunny/Incredibly Deadly Viper chapter. My mind is pretty much blank for them, but I'm sure an idea will come. I hope to update soon. Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! Ok, this is the chapter where I put in Enjoy!**

**NOTE: I'm gonna make Sunny say real words in this chapter.**

**Sunny/Incredibly Deadly Viper:**

"What do you want to do?" asked Sunny,

"Hiss" said the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

Sunny was surprised. She knew exactly what he was saying. She had no idea that she could talk to snakes before.

"Okay!" replied Sunny, "I'm kinda hungry too!"

So they headed off to the little café. They sat down and looked at the menu. They quickly found what the wanted to order and the waiter came over.

"What would you like?" he asked them.

"Hiss!" said the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

"We'll have the Rock Cakes," Sunny translated.

"Okay." Said the waiter and left them alone.

"Hiss!" said the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

Sunny giggled. "I love you too!" she said.

"Hiss!" said the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

"Sure! Let's head up to the dance floor after these rock cakes!"

"Here's your order!" said the waiter.

"Hiss!" said the Incredibly Deadly Viper

"Thanks!" said Sunny.

They started to eat the rock cakes. They were exactly what they wanted: hard as a rock.

"Yum!" said Sunny.

"Hiss!" said the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

Soon they had finished the entire plate of rock cakes and decided to go up to the dance floor. They could dance very easily as Sunny was so short. They pretty much just span around in circles, but they were happy. They danced wildly to the beat of the song that was being played (Hollaback Girl). They were having such a good time. Then the Incredibly Deadly Viper said, "Hiss!"

"That's a great idea!" Sunny said, "Let's go to the snogging room!"

"Hiss!" said the Incredibly Deadly Viper, glad that she liked his idea.

They walked through the hallway over toward the snogging room. They entered and shut the door. Then the Incredibly Deadly Viper leaned in for the kiss. But he accidentally bit her really hard. Sunny screamed. She started to bleed really bad.

"Hiss!" said the Incredibly Deadly Viper in panic. He rushed out of the room to the phone and dialed 911.

"Fire, Ambulance, or Police?" Asked the woman on the other end.

"Hiss!" replied the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

"Hiss?" asked the woman, "I'm sorry but I don't…"

"Hiss!" The Incredibly Deadly Viper said more urgently.

"Alright, I'll send them all!" she said. The Incredibly Deadly Viper hung up on her after he heard those words and he rushed back to Sunny. She was still screaming.

"Hiss!" He apologized, "Hiss!" He dragged her outside where the ambulance could get her easier. They finally got outside and waited. But they didn't have to wait very long until the ambulance, police car, and fire truck arrived. The ambulance workers rushed out of the ambulance and tied Sunny down onto a stretcher, then wheeled her back into the ambulance. They slammed the doors behind them and started to drive away. Then all of a sudden they stopped, backed up, and stopped again, exactly where they had stopped in the first place. The doors opened, and they wheeled Sunny back out. One ambulance worker reached into their pocket and pulled out a Band-Aid. They stuck it over the cut on Sunny's face. Then they untied her from the stretcher, put her on the ground and drove away.

"Hiss?" asked the Incredibly Deadly Viper.

"I'm fine." Replied Sunny. Then they both headed back into the building, determined to stay out of the snogging room for the rest of the night.

**Did I do okay? I personally don't like this chapter, but it doesn't matter what I think of it does it? Please review. Next chapter belongs to Aunt Josephine/Hetor!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, this is Josephine and Hector's chappie! Enjoy!**

"So, what do you want to do?" Jo asked.

"Well, there's a list of attractions over there. Lets go look at it!" Hector suggested.

"Good idea. I love your grammer, by the way!" Jo complimented.

They walked over to where the list was.

**Bowling**

That was the first thing on the list.

"I'm terrified of bowling! You could drop the ball on your foot and… well…" Jo was hysterical

"It's okay," Hector comforted, "The list says it's Cosmic Bowling. Being in the dark makes me skittish, so we don't want to go there!"

**Pool**

"It's so easy to drown!"

"And diving boards make me skittish!"

**Café**

"The food might be undercooked! Or too hot!"

"Waitresses make me skittish!"

**Snogging Room**

They looked at each other.

"Nope!" they said in unison.

**Theatre**

"The movie might not be appropriate! Or too boring! Or too actin packed!"

"Loud noises make me skittish!"

**Library**

"You could get a paper cut!"

"If the V.F.D. Council of Elders (who happen to make me skittish) saw me in a library, they'd fire me! That thought makes me skittish. Hey, I've just realized something! The word skittish makes me, well-."

"Skittish?" offered Aunt Josephine,

"Don't say it!" Hector exclaimed, eyes darting about nervously.

"You know, I don't think we need to finish the list. There's nothing on here that has no chance of harming you. You know, I think that we should just sit in the corner for this part!"

"I agree, but corners make me skittish. Let's sit over here."

They walked over to where Hector was pointing and sat down.

**Sorry that this was a short chapter. I hope that you enjoyed it! Next chapter is Esme/Fernald, so that will be up soon enough. Please review!**


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